22 June 2017

PLEASE, YOU CAN HELP MY MOTHER (Helen Alder) AND ME BY CALLING THE BANNER-BOSWELL HOSPITAL PATIENT RELATIONS DIRECTOR, JSSICA, AND COMPLAIN ABOUT WHY MY MOTHER, HELEN ALDER WAS NOT ADMITTED AND TREATED ON JUNE 2, AND KNOWING WHAT SHE KNOWS NOW, WHY IS SHE NOT SENDING SOMEONE OUT TO EVALUATE HER AND DO A DIRECT ADMIT.

Jessica phone: 623 832 6657 at Banner Boswell.

Also, cut and paste the below complaint to email and send to a list of 28 news sources attached.

COMPLAINT:

THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IS KILLING MY MOTHER!
Until about a month ago, my 99-year-old mother was walking, reading the newspaper, doing crossword puzzles in the newspaper, watching television, being conversational with a good sense of humor, and being entirely present with no confusion or dementia noted.

Then about May 25 or so, her ankles began swelling, she had much more difficulty walking, stopped reading the newspaper, stop doing crossword puzzles, and had periods of confusion and memory loss.

On June 2, based on results of a 4-day earlier set of blood tests and urinalysis obtained at home, her nurse practitioner, Susan Ward, urged me to call paramedics to take her to the emergency room at Banner Boswell Hospital, due to blood test results such as BMP, an indicator of congestive heart failure, which read 1,176, while highly normal was 500, and the D Dimer test, indicative of blood clots, with a high normal of 499, but hers was reading over 7,000.  Susan Ward arranged for calling the paramedics, as she thought my mother was critically ill.

Long story short, ER refused to admit her for congestive heart failure, or for potential life-threatening clotting, performing only a CT scan of her brain to see if clots were there causing a stroke.

I have just recently found out, that blood test taken at the ER in medical documents that I have requested to review, indicated that the D dimer test, with the normal high of 499, in a previous high of over 7,600, was now over 12,000.  This is the test for clotting.  Her BNP with the normal high of 500, and which had read 1,176, at the ER on June 2, was 1,818! 

The social worker at the Banner-Boswell ER told me my mother was being released and she would not be admitted, as my mother had no acute illness that could be treated at the ER.  I asked how they could possibly release her to home when she had only very part time caretakers at home, she could not walk now, and was quite confused and incoherent. I felt at least they could stabilize her condition rather than just push her out the door.

The social worker told me, that that does not matter, the doctor stated that she was going to be released now as there was no acute medical condition that could be treated at the ER, the doctor said she had to go home now.  She told me that my mother should never have been brought to that ER, because there is no acute condition that could be medically treated. Yet that same doctor, Matthew Jones, had said to release her to home with only part-time caretakers would be dangerous.  Later, the social worker said my mother would be released to home anyway.

Subsequently I found out that the reason my mother was not admitted, is that during a previous hospitalization after a fall which put her into a convalescent home for 17 days, is that she had signed a “do not resuscitate” document which precluded aggressive treatment in cases where there is heart failure or stroke, or coma.  However, the hidden or unspoken protocols of the banner-Boswell ER was that any elderly person with a DNR would not be admitted to the hospital for treatment of the underlying issues such as congestive heart failure, potential clotting, or whatever other condition had led to the patient seeking help at the ER.

That is, the ER had a protocols which made it impossible for an elderly person such as my mother in a very fragile state of health, to receive healthcare, because she was too fragile to be moved to a doctor’s office by car, sit in a waiting room waiting to be seen, and then be transported back.  That is why Susan Ward had her taken by ambulance to the banner by ER, because she thought she was too fragile to be moved by any other mode of transport.

Because of my mother’s fragility, she had failed to make an appointment with a cardiologist  when one was scheduled a year before.  My mother perceived doctors’ visits as being too stressful and is perhaps life-threatening because of the stress did imposed.

Thus, the Arizona healthcare system along with the protocols of Banner-Boswell, have ensured that my mother will soon die of congestive heart failure and possible blood clotting, because now she is far too weak to attend any medical appointment except by ambulance, and apparently no ER in the Banner system, which is most of them in the area, will admit her for treatment of the underlying conditions, because she does not have a cardiologist to order a direct admission to the hospital.  All of her care would have to pass through an ER, and all have the same protocol of not admitting those who have signed a do not resuscitate document.

So at this point, my mother is dying and there is nothing I can do about it.  However, I am going to cause pain to the Banner-Boswell ER that has ordered her death, and is refused to provide treatment because they did not want someone to die in their hospital.  It would ruin their statistics.

Not only that, at no time did anyone at the hospital or at that hospital ER tell us what the true state of my mother’s health was.  They did not tell me a diagnosis.  They did not tell me that she had congestive heart failure.  They did not tell me she had potential clotting.  They did not tell me that she was as sick as she was.  They only stated they are not going to treat her because she does not have an acute condition other than the bladder infection, that could be treated at the ER.  They said she must go home, that she should never have been brought into that ER.

There was no frank discussion of the state of her health, or her terminal trajectory, especially if not provided by any stabilization within the hospital.  To them, she was just dead meat.  And I am very angry.

My mother is now lying in her bed at home waiting to die, on hospice.  Michael and I go over to her house frequently to see how she is doing and make sure she is receiving care, and once in a while we stay with her overnight to make sure she is okay during the night.  However, I am 75 years old, with the collapse left lung, and on the CPAP machine, and an oxygen machine at night, awaiting surgery for a left hip replacement operation that I delayed due to my mother’s health problem.  So my mobility, and my strength are much diminished compared to five years ago.

Please, call Jessica, at Banner-Boswell hospital, who is in charge of patient relations and a complain about my mother’s treatment and state your opinion about how rotten my mother is being treated, and that you consider this a prime example of medical malpractice and elder abuse.  Her phone number is:

(623) 832-6657

and also leave a message for Warren, chief social worker there at

(623) 832-5518

PLEASE EMAIL THE PASTED COMPLAINT TO (CUT AND PASTE):

elvia.diaz@arizonarepublic.com; robert.anglen@arizonarepublic.com; ken.alltucker@arizonarepublic.com; jessica.boehm@gannett.com;  mcassidy@republicmedia.com; paul.coro@arizonarepublic.com; tom.blodgett@arizonarepublic.com; mcassidy@republicmedia.com; rebecca.dyer@arizonarepublic.com; daniel.gonzalez@arizonarepublic.com; brenna.goth@arizonarepublic.com; david.gordon@arizonarepublic.com; brandon.loomis@arizonarepublic.com; brandon.loomis@arizonarepublic.com; mike.meister@arizonarepublic.com; dan.nowicki@arizonarepublic.com; rob.odell@arizonarepublic.com; catherine.reagor@arizonarepublic.com; anne.ryman@arizonarepublic.com; josh.susong@arizonarepublic.com; yvonne.wingett@arizonarepublic.com; kaila.white@arizonarepublic.com; kaila.white@arizonarepublic.com; dustin.gardiner@arizonarepublic.com; catherine.reagor@arizonarepublic.com;


THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IS KILLING MY MOTHER!

Until about a month ago, my 99-year-old mother was walking, reading the newspaper, doing crossword puzzles in the newspaper, watching television, being conversational with a good sense of humor, and being entirely present with no confusion or dementia noted.

Then about May 25 or so, her ankles began swelling, she had much more difficulty walking, stopped reading the newspaper, stop doing crossword puzzles, and had periods of confusion and memory loss.

On June 2, based on results of a 4-day earlier set of blood tests and urinalysis obtained at home, her nurse practitioner, Susan Ward, urged me to call paramedics to take her to the emergency room at Banner Boswell Hospital, due to blood test results such as BMP, an indicator of congestive heart failure, which read 1,176, while highly normal was 500, and the D Dimer test, indicative of blood clots, with a high normal of 499, but hers was reading over 7,000.  Susan Ward arranged for calling the paramedics, as she thought my mother was critically ill.

Long story short, ER refused to admit her for congestive heart failure, or for potential life-threatening clotting, performing only a CT scan of her brain to see if clots were there causing a stroke.

I have just recently found out, that blood test taken at the ER in medical documents that I have requested to review, indicated that the D dimer test, with the normal high of 499, in a previous high of over 7,600, was now over 12,000.  This is the test for clotting.  Her BNP with the normal high of 500, and which had read 1,176, at the ER on June 2, was 1,818! 

The social worker at the Banner-Boswell ER told me my mother was being released and she would not be admitted, as my mother had no acute illness that could be treated at the ER.  I asked how they could possibly release her to home when she had only very part time caretakers at home, she could not walk now, and was quite confused and incoherent. I felt at least they could stabilize her condition rather than just push her out the door.

The social worker told me, that that does not matter, the doctor stated that she was going to be released now as there was no acute medical condition that could be treated at the ER, the doctor said she had to go home now.  She told me that my mother should never have been brought to that ER, because there is no acute condition that could be medically treated. Yet that same doctor, Matthew Jones, had said to release her to home with only part-time caretakers would be dangerous.  Later, the social worker said my mother would be released to home anyway.

Subsequently I found out that the reason my mother was not admitted, is that during a previous hospitalization after a fall which put her into a convalescent home for 17 days, is that she had signed a “do not resuscitate” document which precluded aggressive treatment in cases where there is heart failure or stroke, or coma.  However, the hidden or unspoken protocols of the banner-Boswell ER was that any elderly person with a DNR would not be admitted to the hospital for treatment of the underlying issues such as congestive heart failure, potential clotting, or whatever other condition had led to the patient seeking help at the ER.

That is, the ER had a protocols which made it impossible for an elderly person such as my mother in a very fragile state of health, to receive healthcare, because she was too fragile to be moved to a doctor’s office by car, sit in a waiting room waiting to be seen, and then be transported back.  That is why Susan Ward had her taken by ambulance to the banner by ER, because she thought she was too fragile to be moved by any other mode of transport.

Because of my mother’s fragility, she had failed to make an appointment with a cardiologist  when one was scheduled a year before.  My mother perceived doctors’ visits as being too stressful and is perhaps life-threatening because of the stress did imposed.

Thus, the Arizona healthcare system along with the protocols of Banner-Boswell, have ensured that my mother will soon die of congestive heart failure and possible blood clotting, because now she is far too weak to attend any medical appointment except by ambulance, and apparently no ER in the Banner system, which is most of them in the area, will admit her for treatment of the underlying conditions, because she does not have a cardiologist to order a direct admission to the hospital.  All of her care would have to pass through an ER, and all have the same protocol of not admitting those who have signed a do not resuscitate document.

So at this point, my mother is dying and there is nothing I can do about it.  However, I am going to cause pain to the Banner-Boswell ER that has ordered her death, and is refused to provide treatment because they did not want someone to die in their hospital.  It would ruin their statistics.

Not only that, at no time did anyone at the hospital or at that hospital ER tell us what the true state of my mother’s health was.  They did not tell me a diagnosis.  They did not tell me that she had congestive heart failure.  They did not tell me she had potential clotting.  They did not tell me that she was as sick as she was.  They only stated they are not going to treat her because she does not have an acute condition other than the bladder infection, that could be treated at the ER.  They said she must go home, that she should never have been brought into that ER.

There was no frank discussion of the state of her health, or her terminal trajectory, especially if not provided by any stabilization within the hospital.  To them, she was just dead meat.  And I am very angry.

I am even more angry now today, seeing that the new Senate Republican health bill is even more evil than the Congressional Republican health bill, and would result in the decimation of Medicaid, of which my mother is a beneficiary.  I see that the Republican move is pure evil, cutting 900 billion out of Medicaid and giving it back to wealthy taxpayers in the form of a tax-cut.  I see the same indifference is what my mother received at the ER, a total indifference to her life and health.

My mother is now lying in her bed at home waiting to die, on hospice.  Michael and I go over to her house frequently to see how she is doing and make sure she is receiving care, and once in a while we stay with her overnight to make sure she is okay during the night.  However, I am 75 years old, with the collapse left lung, and on the CPAP machine, and an oxygen machine at night, awaiting surgery for a left hip replacement operation that I delayed due to my mother’s health problem.  So my mobility, and my strength are much diminished compared to five years ago.

This must not stand! 

Please, call Jessica, at Banner-Boswell hospital, who is in charge of patient relations and a complain about my mother’s treatment and state your opinion about how rotten my mother is being treated, and that you consider this a prime example of medical malpractice and elder abuse.  Her phone number is:

(623) 832-6657
and also leave a message for Warren, chief social worker there at

(623) 832-5518

Asked them for email addresses to the CEO and to the ombudsman through which you can mount a complaint.

Thank you very much!












17 June 2017

My mother is not doing well.  She is mostly stable in a semi-conscious wakefulness.  She is able to sit in her easy chair, but is very weak, and is asleep most of the time. 

It has been two weeks since the problem of being kicked out of the ER and not admitted for observation and treatment of her sudden decline and bout of confusion.  Physical therapy still has not been authorized although visits to a cardiologist and nephrologist have been.  Yet, she is too weak to go to an office visit by automobile.  The waiting room wait and transport would be very hard on her a fragile as she is.  I would fear further decompensation as she suffered from the ER visit.

Her illness is strange.  Sudden total weakness, sudden inability to walk, or stay fully consciousness, yet the hospital could not be bother even to admit her for observation.  They are so afraid I am going to sue, that they are trying to speed up the PT.  But she thinks she is too weak for physical therapy.

She keeps repeating weakly, “I am not here,” which would be fine for a student of Robert, but not so good as a prognostic sign.


I request all of you who think you have healing powers, or believe in the effectiveness of prayer, to wish my mom, Helen Alder, well.  Thank you!
Below are three emails from Matti. He sent his first answer seeking email during June 2010, a period of seven years and 412 emails. I have posted several of his emails and my responses over the years, because his experiences were similar to my own. The problem was that though Matti was VERY dedicated, he was never able to stabilize for long until h had an awakening experience maybe a year ago, and just disappeared abruptly for a while.

Now he is back having traversed the foothills of enlightenment, to approaching the culmination of his journey.

Below are three emails that speak for themselves and range over both realization of the Manifest Self to transcending consciousness itself, entering the total freedom of going beyond life and death. I am quite proud of Matti.

THE EMAILS:

Dear Ed,

I feel the presence of God or Divine inside me and around me. It is not just me that is here at the moment, but there is also "someone" else. That someone is not equal to me but is much, much more. It's not God as such, but the beingness of something extraordinary and grand. A glorious presence is here with me and we relate to each other in an intimate way. Truly wonderful.

Dear Ed,

I feel my body relaxing and almost falling asleep. Consciousness dims down and I melt into nothingness that somehow exists. There is the bright Consciousness and then beyond that there is special nothingness where I am beyond the bright light of existence. It feels like that is my true home and all Consciousness is really just fickle and mercurial, like something secondary. My eyes open and I emerge from that nothingness into my body and mind. I feel refreshed.

Dear Ed

Everything is hollow. Literally empty. Just 2-dimesional surfaces glued together. Inside, outside, coarse, subtle and existence and being and everything else is like holograms. Nothingness has transformed into empty void space that fills everything. Like computer graphics. Freedom! Just freedom.

ED's RESPONSE:

From the Yoga Vasistha as translated by swami Venkatesananda, volume 1, chapter 3, page 9.

Rama asked: Lord, what are the characteristics of a Jivanmukta who is liberated while living?

Vasistha replied:

He who, while living and apparently normal life, experiences the whole world as an emptiness, is a Jivanmukta. He is awake but enjoys the calmness of a deep sleep; he is unaffected in the lease by pleasure and pain. He is awake and deep sleep; but he is never awake to this world. His wisdom is unclouded by latent tendencies. He appears to be subject to the likes, dislikes and fear; but in fact he is as free as space. He is free from egotism and religion; his intelligence is unattached whether an action or inaction. None is afraid of him; he is afraid of none. He becomes a Videhamukta when the body is dropped.

16 June 2017

Spirituality Versus Morality?

I am going to enter an area of discussion that is very dangerous here.  It is a discussion about the difference between enlightenment which includes experiences of self-realization, and morality, which includes codes regarding eating, behaviors, and sexuality.  There is nothing more controversial in our times that this topic other than politics with Trump as focus.

For discussion’s sake, I will define “Enlightenment” as interrelated experiences combined with an intuitive understanding of what those experiences mean.  By intuitive understanding, I certainly do not mean conceptual understanding, but a conceptual understanding can flow out of an intuitive understanding.  But you must understand that the intuitive understanding exists prior to being able to formulated into a conceptual understanding.  The problem is, people reading spirituality or literature about morality often have not had the intuitive understanding experience prior to articulating either moral understanding or an understanding about self-realization of the manifest self, and then the realization that consciousness itself eventually collapses into nothingness in the end.

First and foremost I draw my understanding from two traditions: Robert Adams arepresenting a modern interpretation of Ramana Maharishi, and Jean Dunne, representing Nisargadatta, as well as Nisargadatta himself directly from the three books of translations by Robert Powell including The Ultimate Medicine, the experience of nothingness, and The Nectar of Immortality, and also the body of literature left by Nisargadatta’s teacher, Siddharameshwar.  These provide the bedrock of my intuitive understanding, conceptual understanding, and are the explainers of my experiences generated through self-inquiry, self-abidance,  meditation, and also following a Bhaktic/Tantric path for a period of six years.

You must understand that enlightenment in this grand tradition requires a dis-identification with the body, succeeded by a re-identification with the totality of consciousness as the Manifest Self.  Later, there is a transcendence of experiential consciousness itself.  One can “grasp,” or apprehend the totality of consciousness and experience it as an “other,” with “you” standing apart from consciousness, and you yourself, being unable to grasp that self which is apprehending the totality of consciousness.  That is, you can only be that witness apprehending the totality of consciousness, and that totality does not include the witness, but it does include the body.

The experiences leading to this point are many.  The most common is an intense explosion of light and intensification of consciousness within one sense of presence which permeates the body.  The light and power arises out of one’s gut, flows upwards into and through one’s heart center, and continues upward into the head and brain and upwards beyond that into the space above.  This light is intense, the light of 100 suns, but which is not hot or burning, and which is intensely white.  Within it is an amazing and immense power, immense energy, and the experience of the presence of an other within, of such power, such energy, such purity, and such overwhelming love, that one cannot imagine it to be an experience of your own self within, because it appears to be so much more than you ever were.  It is an experience of the divine, of God, appearing and flowing within your sense of presence.  The sense of presence itself can be called Subtle Body, a body of energy, feelings, emotions, love, and Shakti, otherwise known as the life force.  This final experience is called God realization, or realization of the Manifest Self, or the experiential self.

The intuitive understanding that comes with this is the experience of consciousness or pure spirit as being one’s own self, rather than the body, and that the body is merely the vehicle for spirit.  One’s attention now is focused on consciousness, on spirit, and only secondarily on one’s own body and physical needs, such as food, wealth, sex, or even comfort.  One is fascinated with one’s own self as Romana Maharishi describes the experience where he died to his body identification and was reborn with an entirely reflexive consciousness pointed at that godlike divinity within one’s own sense of presence, the life force or Shakti.

All kinds of philosophies are built around this experience, from kundalini yoga, to Tantric yogas, the Bhaktic yogas, to the healing theories of Reikei and Quantum Touch.

The next enlightenment stage is where you transcend the consciousness itself and find yourself to be the witness of consciousness, and that consciousness is alien to you, and you are totally unknowing as to your origin or reason to be.  In this stage you want nothing, you know nothing, you experience nothing, and this can be both “experienced” and “apprehended” intuitively in different ways.  The experience can be entered from ordinary awake consciousness by having one’s attention fall downward into the heart taking the energy out of the brain and focusing it inwards to the center of your heart which is at the center of your sense of presence, and then peacefully descending into nothingness, ever gradually more peaceful and more complete and resting.

The other way, is to enter the state of nothingness directly from deep sleep, and at that point being able to apprehend the various states of consciousness as they arise and pass, from the waking consciousness, to the dream state, to the deep sleep awareness.  And with this, comes the recognition you are beyond all levels and states of consciousness.  Coming at this state from the deep sleep state, one misses that sense of deep peace that arises when we entered the “witness” from the waking state in samadhi.

Follow me so far?  Enlightenment is about self-realization, exploring all aspects of your being this, from raw sensory data, to one’s internal energies, subtle body energies, Shakti, bliss, identification, letting go of identifications, this identify with the body, re-identifying with consciousness, then dis-identifying with consciousness and becoming nothingness.

This is what I call the spirituality/enlightenment trajectory.

This trajectory means you discover experiences and things in yourself you never dreamed of before you began practicing spirituality, things like becoming one with God, with the divine, and divine union, as part of the awakening of your intuition to the totality of your manifest consciousness.

On the other hand, much of spirituality, including all the common major religions, are focused on controlling behaviors, and labeling some behaviors as uplifting or positive, and others as negative or hurtful to one’s “spiritual” future.  Here we talk about karma, or divine cause and effect for every one of one’s actions, so control is of one’s actions so as to build positive karma.

We find Judaism, Christianity, communism, and Hinduism, filled to the brim with judgments about almost every one of everyday actions from what is proper food, what is proper sex, with his proper livelihood, what are proper relational values.

All morality is relational, how we relate to others like ourselves and unlike ourselves, or with ourselves to the environment, with ourselves to food, or with ourselves strangers as opposed to family and friends.

You see, all of these regard your body and others as real, and is the fundamental relational matrices that guide all human and animal interrelations.

However, once you disidentify with the body, and reidentify with the totality of consciousness, you are no longer in a relational mindframe, and in large sense, morality no longer applies to you, because you do not see yourself in relation to other bodies, other minds, other souls, but they are all within you.  You have gone beyond relations into the totality of consciousness where all things are contained as elements within consciousness, your consciousness, and thus all are within you.

What begins to happen at this point, is all that your human desires disappear because you are no longer so attached to the body.  Your desire for food diminishes.  Even the simplest food or the most complex food have no differences to you.  Some taste better than others, some are saltier or sweeter.  But you become indifferent to food, because you have transcended the physical.  He/she also become relatively indifferent to sex because it is something that stimulates the body and not so much love.  In fact, even the thought of sex may disgust you for a while as something gross and impure.  But basically you have gone beyond rules about behaviors, rules about eating, rules about sexual morality, rules about social niceties, rules about respecting authority, rules about avoiding the painful or the pleasurable, and instead you live now in a new spontaneity without ever considering your courses of actions or your behaviors, because you are no longer the one in control. The totality is acting through you.

I know critics of such an attitude and they are legion will throw examples that you saying now you become utterly callous and potentially criminal mentality because you no longer follow common morality, proper and civil interactions with people.  In fact, most that have reached this level try avoid crowds, and to avoid people, because they know that they will not be understood because of where they come from and where they are.  Such people tend to either isolate themselves or live in ashrams or communities of like-minded people.

Here is where I make the statement is going to cause the most concern.  Being vegetarian or being vegan is of very little benefit to one’s spiritual progress along the enlightenment/self-realization trajectory, because that trajectory is involved in understanding and experiencing oneself on all levels, and which results in an initial dis-identification with the body and lack of concern about the body.  The same holds for sex.  It does not matter if you have sex once a year or three times a day when it comes to passage along the in spiritual/self-realization trajectory, although having sex three times a day would be an external marker for someone who was still very attached to the body.  But just ending sex as a forcible restraint in no way actually frees you from the body, because the desire is still there and will not die.  The desire must be fulfilled and completed and only then can it be dropped, and that is by having rich and wholesome and satisfying experiences of sex, a beautiful meals, etc. in all aspects of life.  One must have utterly experienced being loved by someone in a romantic sense.  One must eat all kinds of foods, and if one feels guilt at eating meat recognize that fact that you caring a heavy weight of guilt when you are eating meat, eggs, milk, or cheese.  You may choose then to end that guilt by ending that eating pattern, but this in no way is an aid to ending your identification with your body.  As a matter of fact it is concentrating on the bodiy’s habits, such as dealing with desire for meat, or desire for sex, repressing one’s desire for meat, or repressing one’s desire for sex.  Repression, forceful withholding, only buries the desire which will, come out later in the same or slightly modified form.

I fully embrace vegetarianism and veganism as a way of life.  I fully embrace the concept of being very sparing of sex, and only if one is in love, because sex embroils you in relationships and in life, and one bent on self-realization has to leave that all behind.  One has to outgrow these habits, not forcefully reject them.  As a matter of education and insight, as well as responding in a compassionate and heartfelt way to others and to animals.  Even as one transcends relationships, transcends the body, and even consciousness, one also transcends all moral codes, which are generally repressive external controls, or a borrowed from others as a religious code, or a concept like karma.


It is not that the enlightened one becomes an animal with uncontrolled lusts, desires, manipulation, and power.  Just the opposite, that person is freed from the relational life of tit-for-tat, of an eye for an eye, of karma.  He or she has entirely gone beyond relational meaning and become one with the totality of consciousness.  Later he or she even frees him or herself from consciousness itself, and is thus the most harmless and useless of all beings for he or she has little to do with life or the earth, seeing it as the play of consciousness having nothing to do with him or her, it is something external and not real, and which he or she may or may not participate in depending on the spontaneity of the moment.

13 June 2017

KALI's EYE




Double click for full size

She is the house Mistress, greeting everyone at the door, from family to stranger, all of whom she promptly displays her love.

12 June 2017

FROM PURUSHOTTAM

Dear Edji,

It has been more than a year that I have contacted you in any form but I have been following you diligently. the thing is that I did not have any progressive overview on the self during this period.

Dear Edji, but three days ago something happened and as I do not know what is that I want to share it with you and beg for your insights on this whether this is the mind talking or if it corroborates with the truth that you have been talking.
What I come to know now is that all the words that we have been using in the spiritual world cannot give the test of the reality. I have put the last three days' experiences below. Please comment on these:

9th June: I was scanning the body and feeling the whole inner sensation. the whole body became one energy field and for the first time I feel the sense of presence. For the first time for its entirety I know that I-exist. Another thing is that that presence is not an objective reality but in real me, Myself. But somehow I dare not claim that to be me. That is bigger/greater/immense than me. Instantly I feel that I am not. I do not exist as a self. There is nothing inside which I could claim to be me but only this Presence which is me in my core form and is not me at the same time. I cannot exactly explain  this feeling in words. Edji, is this what you have been talking about?

10th June: I perfectly know that there is no entity in this body/mind known as Purushottam as an I. Everything is happening in and around this body but the receiver, the author or the doer seems to be absent. But everything is happening perfectly as before. Now I have a certain freedom that I can focus my attention in any way as it is required but at the same time the point of view of the looker has changed somehow. I am feeling this presence as my core reality.

11th June:  Only two hours of sleep. Unable to sleep due to mosquito buzzing all around. The body was panicking. Mind frustrated. But what was that which was untouched? Yes, there was something as a presence in the background. Linguistically I was sensing its presence but I now know that That is what I am in real without any sense of selfhood. Life now has become a paradox. The known, the cultured and the false sense of I-ness has collapsed. The identification has been broken. There is no I inside but still there is something which is so alive, more alive than what was there before. What is this? But there is a little bit fear inside. Certain sense of insecurity here. What to do, how to cope with this new situation? But there is no other way than follow, Be and love this Presence.

Dear Edji, these are what going on into me. For the first time I am not sure of anything. I come to know that words cannot help me anymore but only he who has been in this process himself. Please guide me.

With love and gratitude,

Purushottam Pant

Nepal
--------------------------------------------- 

MY RESPONSE:

Purushottam,

Now that you have realized your sense of presence and broken your identification with the personal sense of I, and maybe even with your body, you have transitioned into the foothills of great enlightenment.

Just keep doing what you have been doing, and read slowly, and very openly, the first 5 chapters of Nisargadatta's Ultimate Medicine.  I think it is available on the wearesentience.com website.  It will reinforce what you have grasped.  Using his written words is like having me available to you all the time, reinforcing your “progression” of no progression.

You are blessed.


Ed

Deeya's Soulful Response

DEEYA'S SOULFUL RRSPONSE

Yes. It is that. The play of life and death. Of Nataraja, the Cosmic Dancer. Hence the hospice servitude of both me and Keri Ma. It's ever present. And yes, I saw that early, with the shocking suddenness of my father, as did you; It was witnessed through working with countless veterinarians, farmers, and even from viewing slaughter houses... It was seen with the car wreck, through the death of my husband, with the passing of all my grandparents (including my mother's mother at 100), in my working at the coroner's office, then also with every dog I ever had, all my early teachers. It is there... silently waiting to take, to reclaim that life force... In every manifestation I have seen it, in every direction and in every relation... (eventually so)... and also in all of the who and the what that I thought I was and wasn't too... In all of the coming and going of the phenomenal and the multi-dimensional. And so here we are.

Are you familiar with 'Adonis,' the poem of Percy Bysshe Shelley. A favourite stanza from that is this one... especially the line in orange.

The One remains, the many change and pass;
Heaven’s light forever shines, Earth’s shadows fly;
Life, like a dome of many-coloured glass, 30
Stains the white radiance of Eternity,
Until Death tramples it to fragments.—Die,
If thou wouldst be with that which thou dost seek!
Follow where all is fled!—Rome’s azure sky,
Flowers, ruins, statues, music, words, are weak 35
The glory they transfuse with fitting truth to speak.

I am perfectly at peace on hearing that you are now with Robert and that all is settled. And I knew all along about Michael. Innumerable of the best and happiest days of my light are those illumined with you, he, and the Sanghees... 

Being with you shopping in Ralph's was an absolutely unforgettable highlight of my heart; Satsang on the sundeck of Mae West's place in Santa Monica, lapped by the sound of the ocean; The magic, majesty and mystery of pelicans accompanying us in flight, right beside us, as we drove along the coast to Malibu; Swans on the lake as we circled the Shrine at Self Realize the nation; Catching your falling tears as we set Lakshmi free; And of course, your infinite capacity in listening... to my little child's heart break... over and over and over again... at all the pain of loss and life and of what really is... and isn't. Was it Jean Dunne who said "Consciousness reveals all it's secrets..."

FROM STEVE






























"From Edji: Just keep reading Nisargadatta, Ultimate Medicine, Prior to Consciousness, etc. Then something will click."


Sri Edji, Click, click, clit,.....Many different things popping up.

One day I knew I was never born and my legs were gone. Felt light

Last night before I was born, no duality. NO and never was a Jesus Christ, Buddha, Allah, my family,cars, house, Edji, and never was there a World.

Then the question why stay in this illusion after awakening??

What would be the purpose it is all a sham?

Some days the bliss just kicks my ass....especially with this full moon.

I do fall in Love with the animals, wasps, ants, just any little bug is so so beautiful. I don't know why I see such beauty in them all, feeding them and taking them out of danger....its just a blast. Maybe I shouldn't ask any questions just go with the flow.

I was indoctrinated since this "fake birth" and am realizing that absolutely everything I was told and read is just someone's else's idea. From grade school to college, Catholic school, U.S. Army, spirituality ......just everything is and was just B.S.

Rode down into the tube of death....what wonders to behold!

Edji, this is an unbelievable venture. If you didn't pick me to be your student this would never happen.

HOW many millions or billions of years have I been lost? How many times did the dissolution of the Universe take place?

I have fear of nothing. Not even my deepest fears have any meaning anymore.

I have to thank you Edji for calling me. You are the most honest, down to earth, loving person in the World and the best guide there is for those seeking Self-Realization.

Love you deeply, steve






















11 June 2017

Using emotions as a portal to realization of the Manifest Self.

You need to be flexible when investigating the various levels of one's inner experience, sometimes strongly practicing self-inquiry or self-abidance, and at other times, shifting one's attention to one's reactions to the external world, or the arising of strong emotions within oneself.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnZxbLhE3l4

A 40 minute film of Ramana Narrated by Robert Adams.

The video speaks of Robert's meetings with Ramana.  I also was the one that transcribed the first audio of Robert's narration. Robert told me to change the word "rickshaw" to bullock cart.  To this day, some transcripts use rickshaw, while other us   bullock cart.  Who knows?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2zPV42dnJU&feature=share

FROM DEEYA:

So relieved you delayed the surgery.   My love to you, your mother, Kerima, Michael... 

Perhaps the sky too is sad...  It's been pouring here since many days.

Can I take it from you Ed...?   Help in any way?  Holding you all close.

Let me know which day, as things unfold.


MY RESPONSE:

In the end, it is all about life and death, is it not?  You with your father, and me with my father in 1956, and now with my mother, my only living relative.  Watching her at almost 100 and during the last days of her life in her usual equanimity and good spirits, but with a failing body.

In a sense, these last days--they may be her last days or she might pop back--are again focusing my attention on my own consciousness, and with the thousandth-time rediscovery that I am not it.  It is just there, like a handheld flaming torch held at arms’ length with the fire burning bright, then waxing and waning, and my consciousness is like that.  The only difference is that the torch illuminates the world without, while conscious illuminates the world within, and in the case of a human being, the "within" also contains the external world as an appearance of a without.

But it is still all just a brief light show that is self-contained, and within which we find the appearance of a personal identity and an apparent body, which is also an appearance in that play of light.  There is nothing there.  It is like hand shadows cast by fingers and hands in a light beam onto a wall.  No more than that.  All the other stuff, emotions, wants, needs, judgments, morality and ethics--all gone!

And I observe, neither interested or uninterested, and not feeling anything, no relation, no pity, no despair, no happiness, no sadness, sensations untouched by the filters of human evaluative consciousness.  Thus, I am now with Robert, And It Really Is Good!  All the wars are over.  All the goals have been won or lost and no more arise, hoping my mother will continue towards a peaceful death.


Michael has been a godsend.  I have finally accepted him fully as a son and now see very positive spiritual future for him.  He is a good person.  He is very gentle and loving and caretaking with my mother.  I appreciate him highly.  And Kali loves him too.




















































05 June 2017


BIG DECISIONS
My mother has suddenly got much worse. Very weak, confused and disoriented after being kicked out of Banner Boswell ER.
And, her Sunday morning caretaker never showed up! When I visited her at 2PM, she was still in bed, confused, cold, and in intense pain from her urinary infection.
I called her care service and they sent someone immediately. Her Saturday caretakers had not picked up her antibiotics, so her infection was untreated until I picked up the Cypro snday afternoon.
Today, I have to see her condition. I may have to cancel tomorrow's hip surgery to make sure my mother will be OK. It is up to me as the medical and caretaking systems have failed her, I can not bare the thought of being in the hospital and losing my mother while there recovering from my own trauma.

I CANCELLED SURGERY FOR TOMORROW AND IT WILL BE RESCHEDULED FOR JULY!

04 June 2017

Telling Truth to Each Other

The link below is the talk I would have delivered had we been able to get online together for satsang. Truth Telling, from me to you. What you need to know from me about getting to where you want to go—or not!



03 June 2017

Elder Abuse at Banner Boswell ER in Sun City AZ


Last Sunday I visited my 99 year-old mother (Helen Alder) at her home and found her to be very lethargic, not alert, and generally out of it.  Her caretaker said that her feet had become very swollen, and they had not been when I saw her two weeks before.  The caretaker also said she is barely eating, and has stopped walking from her chair to the bathroom and had started to relieve herself in protective panties.  She only walks in the morning from her bed in the bedroom, to chair the front room, and back again at night.

This is absolutely abnormal for my mother who usually can walk fairly rapidly throughout the house.  That she was not eating, not reading the newspaper or doing crossword puzzles which she always did.  I was very concerned and called her doctor, who responded to my call the next day, and came out to see my mother on Tuesday, performed an evaluation, and drew several vials of blood for testing.  Results came back on Friday morning, June 2.  The nurse practitioner, Susan Ward, called me on Friday morning saying she was quite concerned because two of the blood tests came back with highly abnormal readings.  This coupled with her behavioral change and lack of eating, indicated to her, an urgent need to go to an emergency room to be checked for blood clotting and congestive heart failure.

Paramedics took my mom to the Banner Boswell ER on Thunderbird in Sun City Arizona on Friday, June 2, 11 AM.  Before any tests were taken, the doctor (Jones) walked in the room, just after my mother had her vitals taken by a nurse, very chipper and happy with a loud voice saying, “You look fine.”  I explained the situation and her behaviors, and he asked if she was back to normal now.  I said no, my mother did not even understand sometimes that she was in the hospital, which is totally abnormal for her.  The doctor appeared very unconcerned and says well will find out what is wrong and get her back to normal in no time, and then pranced out.

After several vials of blood were taken and 500 mL of fluids given, and urine obtain from a bedpan, we waited. She did get a chest X-ray and a head CT for some reason.

Now my mother has atrial fibrillation, but refuses to see a cardiologist, and she has stage III chronic kidney disease, which is normal for someone 99 years old, and she did make plans to see a nephrologist.  Her heart is weak because she so inactive, due to the pain in her legs which was recently compounded by the  current urinary infection, as well as her sleepiness, but we did not know there was a urinary infection until that same Friday morning.

Dr. Jones came in again, smiling and jovially saying that she appears to be fine, and is she “acting normal” now?  He intimated that they were going to release her.  I strongly objected, stating my mother is not normal.  She was confused as to where she was.  She did not know what time it was.  She kept sleeping the entire time she was in the bed except when attended to by a nurse or a doctor, which is highly abnormal for her, as usually she is quite alert and talkative. And, she appeared quite confused by all the wires and tubes connected to her, asking “What is this?” time after time.

A bit thereafter a nurse came in with orders to see if my mother was mobile enough to go home, as Dr. Jones had earlier stated that in her condition would probably be dangerous for her to go home with only a caretaker for eight hours.

Well, the “mobility test” consisted of walking from her ER bed to the ER room entrance which was about 7 feet, and then walking back again.  It took my mother all of four to five minutes to walk 14 feet with a nurse holding her, and using a walker. Yet they were determined to release her.

I told the nurse how can they possibly release my mother in her condition, she is not normal.  She is confused, she cannot walk more than 14 feet with somebody helping her and with a walker, she could never make it to 50 feet to bed from her living room chair where she spends most of the day.  I emphasized that this was an entirely new condition, that until a week ago she had not had that much of a problem ambulating, eating, concentrating, reading and doing crossword puzzles. This was not her chronic condition, but was an acute disorientation.

The nurse said he would convey this information to the doctor.  The doctor never came in, instead a social worker came in, and was quite rude. Jones was too timid to face a critical and upset relative so he sent a surrogate.

She said, “Your mother should never have been brought to this emergency room.  There is nothing acutely wrong with her to be treated.”  She went on to say, “What you should do is either put her on full hospice care, or get her the medical care she requires.  You have to decide when you will let her just be comfortable (until she dies), or to get full treatment; it is one or the other, not both.”  Yet Dr. Jones refused to treat, except for the urinary infection they found, and released. Why didn’t they hospitalize her until her alertness and ability to walk come back by treating her infection in-house, and getting a cardiologist consult for her heart?  Her sudden deterioration was unexplained, and not even noted by them.  They ignored my pleas to treat, and that she was far from normal.

Her regular visiting nurse practitioner from PopHealth, is the one who stated that she should be taken to the emergency room based on her observation of my mother and the results of two very abnormal blood tests that indicated possible blood clots and congestive heart failure.  It was not a decision my mother made, nor that I made.  That social worker repeated that my options were to make her comfortable until she died, or give her the care she needs, but she cannot have both.  And she is being discharged now.  She asked whether I could stay with my mom, to which I responded that I was having hip replacement surgery in three days and was getting prepared to go. 
She responded with a very stern voice, “Well, the doctor said she is going to be discharged even if it is to her home with a caretaker there eight hours a day. I think this is medical malpractice on Dr. Jones’ part as well as Banner Boswell. I assume this is their normal protocol with very elderly patients.

They absolutely refused to admit my mother and treat her for any of the conditions that she was suffering from.  My mother has a nurse practitioner that comes to her home every three months and more often if needed, such as when she came out to draw my mother’s blood and ascertained that my mother really needed more extensive evaluation. She also has another nurse coming two times per week to check vitals and prepare medications.

I talked to another ER nurse about my mother’s condition stating my mother should not be released.  She told me that things have changed since Boswell Hospital was taken over by Banner.  She said that since Obamacare came in full effect and Banner came in, they hardly admitted people anymore from the ER, and that the new attitude was get them in quick and get them out quick.  She said in the old days they wanted to admit everyone, but now under Obamacare and at Banner the elderly get the short end of the stick as a result of sucking 800 billion dollars out of Medicare to pay for it. Can you imagine the state of healthcare if another $880 billion is sucked out of Medicaid?


Kerima, my significant other, has worked in retirement homes for 15 years here and in L.A., and the same is happening there.  Even nonprofit homes have completely changed to a bottom-line, for-profit mentality.  The old CEOs are fired, and new “cut out everything” CEO’s take their place with massive firings of older employees making a good salary, to be replaced by little or poorly trained, much younger employees making half as much, skimping on food quality, reducing activities, and failing state audit after audit. Her previous employer, Glencroft, slipped from 5 stars to barely more than 3 after a new CEO initiated massive firings of older and experienced employees.

I did a quick Google search for reviews of Banner Boswell, and found many negative reviews of that hospital’s ER.


The nine or 10 user comments that yelp does not use to determine rankings, as they are mostly negative, and yelp tends to hide those.  There is a link to these comments at the end of the reviews that they do count.

This is not going to end well for Boswell, as after I return from surgery and recover a little, I am going to get to the bottom of this elder abuse at Boswell Banner. I am assuming this is a systemic problem not isolated to that ER.

Edward Muzika, Ph.D.
Medical Editor
Home: 623 444 5211
Cell: 818 421-3780