28 November 2009

It rained one day when we were in Sedona, producing muted, pastel
colors. Other days were overcast, making the red rocks very red. The
high point for me is always Schnebbly Hill Road, where I've taken
hundreds of photos over the years, including a large elk about 6 years
ago, The lighting the last hour is always fantastic. The Indian seller
was taken on the way to Flagstaff.


The Sun City 4 Paws cattery is located in Peoria, AZ, a western suburb
of Phoenix next to Sun City and Glendale, all high retirement areas.
There are over 100 cats here, most not placeable due to disease,
health or behavioral problems. I showed up unannounced, and, as you
can see, it is in perfect order.


25 November 2009


Hi Ed.

My current practice has been "being conscious, of being". But I had been reading Seeds of Consciousness and a student asked Nisargadatta how to focus on the I am. Nisargadatta said focus on the I am means to be in the I am - be.

He said are you not conscious of being right now, student said yes. Master said did you have to focus on it, and student said no. Master said exactly, because you are the I am - attempting to focus on it activates the mind.

Now this got me to thinking, I have been focusing on the feeling of I am - but I have a split the observer and being. So I have tried "just being", and of course the conscious part is automatic - and I sit in being, all the while being aware that I am. In other words the split is very, very small. It is interesting also that there is nothing to hold on in being - whereas the action of focusing on being gives the mind some hold. Now mind you this is not like Shikantaza, because my focus is on the I am, not on emptiness.

What you think? I find in being - I couldn't get any closer to the I am. Don't worry I am still sitting in silence, this way seems to be much better. I just wanted your thoughts on this. I don't want to make any adjustments without your advice.

My Response:

You have to focus on being for a while to get a feel for what it is like. Then you can sort of "fall back" into that sense of being and just abide there. The latter is very comfortable. You should play with the I Am sense. It varies in feel and manifestation.

24 November 2009



Butchers with butcher knives participate in religious rituals beforeAP – Butchers with butcher knives participate in religious rituals before slaughtering buffalos during a mass …
BARIYAPUR, Nepal – The ceremony began with prayers in a temple by tens of thousands of Hindus before dawn Tuesday. Then it shifted to a nearby corral, where in the cold morning mist, scores of butchers wielding curved swords began slaughtering buffalo calves by hacking off their heads.
Over two days, 200,000 buffaloes, goats, chickens and pigeons will be killed as part of a blood-soaked festival held every five years to honor Gadhimai, a Hindu goddess of power.
While cows are sacred and protected by law in Nepalanimal sacrificehas a long history in this overwhelmingly Hindu country and parts of neighboring India. The Bariyapur festival has become so big, in part, because such ceremonies have been banned in many areas in the neighboring Indian state of Bihar.
And while it is criticized by animal-rights protesters, the festival is defended as a centuries-old tradition.
Many Nepalis believe that sacrifices in Gadhimai's honor will bring them prosperity. They also believe that by eating the meat, which is taken back to their villages and consumed during feasts, they will be protected from evil.
Taranath Gautam, the top government official in the area, estimated that more than 200,000 people had come for the ceremony in Bariyapur, some 100 kilometers (60 miles) from Katmandu. Some brought their own animals to sacrifice.
"I am here with my mother who had promised the goddess she would sacrifice a goat. It was her wish and promise and I am glad we were able to fulfill it," said Pramod Das, a farmer from the nearby village of Sarlahi. "I believe now my mother's wishes will come true."
Animal rights groups don't have much power in Nepal, but they have staged repeated protests in recent weeks. Local news reports say some activists set up stands in towns on the way to the Bariyapur temple, offering Hindu pilgrims coconuts and other fruits to sacrifice instead of animals.
There was no sign of them Tuesday.
"We were unable to stop the animal sacrifices this year but we will continue our campaign to stop killings during this festival," said Pramada Shah of the group Animals Nepal.
The ceremony, which goes back for generations, has enormous resonance in a country where per capital income is about $25 a month, illiteracy is widespread and vast social divides have left millions working as tenant farmers for feudal landlords.
Even many educated Nepalis see value in the tradition.
Om Prasad, a banker from the nearby city of Birgunj, brought offerings of fruit and flowers to the festival, but said he believed people should be able to sacrifice animals if they want.
"It is their tradition and it is fine if they continue to follow it. No one should try to tell them they can't follow what their ancestors did," he said.
Experts say it will take many more years before there are changes in these deeply rooted traditions.
"They continue these animal sacrifice rituals because they believe it is a tradition that can't be broken," said Ram Bahadur Chetri, an anthropology professor at Katmandu's Tribhuwan University. "The people who follow these traditions believe that if they discontinue, then the gods will get angry and there could be catastrophe in the country."
Buffaloes, goats, chicken and ducks are sacrificed at most Hindu homes in Nepal during the Dasain festivals, which fell in September this year.

20 November 2009

SENT TO ME: (Sometimes I get confused about how gmail works and the order of the emails. So, below some emails may be out of sequence or missing.)

Whenever I put attention on it, it is clear that I am totally beyond perception, beyond every experience, beyond awareness itself: awareness seems as the screen for the perception of the 'world' (the field of perception), but I am totally out of it and different from this screen also; the state of non-separation comes and goes but I am not a state. Space, time, existence itself are illusions. All this too, are only concepts.

But...there is not contentment; there are still attachment and aversion, desires, often I am identified with thoughts and emotions, the sleep is normal (I am not counsciouness in dreams and sleep); in Ramana language I suppose, there are vasanas.

It seems to me very different from Ramana and Robert condition.
What is the aim? and the way? What you suggest? What is your experience of this phase?

With gratitude and affection,


I'd like to know better how you got where you are.

I have a discussion on my blog currently that is somewhat relevant.

There are two things necessary for balance: meditation practice which
energizes conciousness, and prajna, or understanding.

You may need to start all over again in meditation to build dhyan power.

Robert and Ramana were mostly in meditation every moment, resting in
silence. You are distracted by the world, and your ego is not dead.

But, I hope you see that the state you are in is o.k.?



You are distracted by the world, and your ego is not dead

This is the point! You are right.
Are you saying that ego can die when there is balance between meditation and understanding?

Robert and Ramana were mostly in meditation every moment, resting in silence.

Yes, Thank You! to rest in silence for me seems the key now!

But, I hope you see that the state you are in is o.k.?

I am not in a state: precisely sometime I'm identified with waking state, during night in dream and sleep states, sometime with non-dual state (all is awareness) and sometime I remember I am not any of these states, I am not an experience, a state, etc., all these appear as illusions or films or dreams.
But there is not stability in any state nor beyond!

I am OK!

The only problem seems 'my' identification with these states and the following suffering.

My deepest wish to end this apparent game of identifications...

There are two things necessary for balance: meditation practice which
energizes conciousness, and prajna, or understanding.

It seems you are saying that in my case understanding is better than meditation power: so the medicine is rest in silence!

I'd like to know how you got where you are.


In this mirage i am XX, with a wife and a daughter of Y: i teach math in high school in ZZZ.

In 1983 i practice Vipassana (at sixsteen zazen for a while) and after that several types of meditation: kriya yoga, yoga of Sri Aurobindo, awakening of Kundalini power (shaktipat from several masters in particular Anandi Ma). In 1999 I attended my first retreat of Intensive of Illumination where I had my first brief kensho about 'Who I am' and then many others experience of non-duality.

In the last 7 years I practiced mostly surrender to kundalini power and studying Dzogchen and experiencing rigpa (non-dual awareness).
I didn't understand what you have written in your site about 'beyond non-dual awareness' until i had the experience i described to you and you answered so:

This is perfect understanding.

Now, however, you have to make it your own by continuing to be self
reflective. That is, now the inner/outter distinction is lost and you
must maintain that by resting in the totality of unified
consciousness.  Then, that you are beyond even this becomes completely
owned by you.

Very good work!!



Precisely, you are not any of these states. Not the waking, sleep or
dream states. Not the non-dual state. You are beyond all states.

The ego will die when it does. It is not possible to do something to
make to die except observe and remain in silence.

Are you able to isolate a feeling of 'I Am'?  If so, merely ret and
observe I am, and everything will unfold by itself. I am attaching the
Nisargadatta Gita, if I have not sent it before. Read it every
morning. Download it. Put it in a 3 ring binder. It will help.
Dearest Ed,


"Precisely, you are not any of these states. Not the waking, sleep or dream states. Not the non-dual state. You are beyond all states."

Yes, it is clear. All the states are different modes to experience the field of perception, but I am totally out from this field and all the states in it, or of it. The field of perception (=the universe) is like a small leaf floating in the infinite ocean the Mistery of What I am (and everything is).

"The ego will die when it does. It is not possible to do something to make to die except observe and remain in silence."

Thank You very much! this is what i was hoping to receive: a clear answer about ego-death.

Are you able to isolate a feeling of 'I Am'?  If so, merely ret and observe I am, and everything will unfold by itself.

For me is difficult and seems a burden to search something like this: every thought and feeling dissolve itself putting attention on it, only awareness remain; but if  'I Am' can be interpretated as awareness or silence than yes, i can rest in silence (or awareness).

I am attaching the Nisargadatta Gita, if I have not sent it before. Read it every morning. Download it. Put it in a 3 ring binder. It will help.

Yes, i have Nisargadatta Gita, thank You very much for your gift and for your words which are very inspiring!

with love and gratitude,




I am is awareness or silence.

No more is to be done than rest there.



I am not very far gone on the path to enlightenment, it seems I am > merely starting to tread on its' outskirts as of yet. Anyway, for now I > feel the largest obstacle in my way is fear. Sometimes not even fear - > sometimes dread; perhaps a dread of the unknown. A fear that is keeping me > from practicing, inquiring or (to a lesser extent, and for what it's worth) > studying. I sometimes wish I could leave this "search" alone, yet I'm always > dragged - sucked - back into it without exception. Sometimes almost like an > unwanted obsession, it seems (to be semi-serious)! 

Though it is indeed like > I feel that I've glimpsed reality, and now I cannot leave it alone. I do > indeed want to find what is hidden yet always present, but fear is holding > me back, which leads to this ambiguous relationship to the spiritual search. > When reading Robert's "Silence of the Heart" for example, I sometimes get a > very intense feeling. In a sense it is a mediative feeling, and in a sense a > "dissolving" feeling. That dissolving feeling is often unsettling, and I > guess that is the core of my fear. Even practicing locating the "void" > within, and being the witness of myself is somewhat unsettling. It feels as > if I may venture "too deep" and get lost, whirling down a vortex of angst > and confusion; perhaps a fear of loosing my senses? 

What too scares me is > the "finality" of it all, how when the ego "dissolves" - it's gone. It's a > point of no return. What if I don't like what I see? It feels like I'm on > the edge of a cliff about to jump. People say I will be fine - yet I can't > be so sure. I guess my emotions towards this is neatly summarized in the > saying: "Leap, and the net shall appear". 

Yet, I am still not able to trust > that it will. > > Generally I'm having a hard time locating the root of the fear. Is it a > fear of the unknown, or a fear of coming to the end of my existence? Or > are they even synonymous? From one perspective it is a fear of abandoning > all that I hold dear, and completely venturing into the unknown. I realize > that in one way I am the unknown - and the unknowable - yet it does not > soothe my angst. I also realize that nothing could really be said about > reality, since it is beyond duality - still I dread what I might find beyond > the realms of consciousness. And the fact that I've read about people's > experiences with ego-dissolution can initially be very terrifying doesn't > really help (or terrifying for over ten years, when reading Suzanne Segal's > story: http://www.nonduality.com/suzanne.htm). 

Is there anyway to overcome > this fear, or at least: how should I cope with it or even relate to it? > > I'm sorry if gets a bit rambling at times, sometimes it does when my > thoughts aren't exactly structured, as is now the case. > > Thank you, 



Fear ALWAYS has a body component, such as a prickly sensation around the heart or stomach, or a feeling like falling. It is only a body sensation. There is nothing in the fear that can cause you or your body harm. So get to know the fear. Watch it. Welcome the various sensations. You might even begin to enjoy the sensations that many call fear. Your mind is very busy trying to save itself by imagining all sorts of bad outcomes, yet, you are caught in the jaws of the tiger of thirst for self-knowledge. You have to go straight ahead. Do not deviate. Also, when you feel the fear and explore the fear for a while, turn the attention more inward and try to find who is feeling the fear. That witness is not touched by fear, nor can it be killed or harmed in any way. Get to know that source.  

17 November 2009


Thank you so much for you quick reply. I have come across the Nisargadatta Gita but have not read it deeply...I will give it my full attention. I did start reading Prior to Consciousness a few weeks back and it feels even more astounding than I am That...if that's even possible.  

Thank you again Ed...I will let you know how it goes.

Yes, Pointers is more advanced because Jean Dunn's understanding was more advanced

Maharaj said of "I Am That," that it was grade school, while Prior to Consciousness was graduate school.

Jean was only one of 2 people Maharaj authorized to teach. Balsekar was not I might add. I think Ramesh falls in the category of my previous post, of someone whose understanding was not backed by sufficient meditation practice.  I understand near the end he had become quite critical of Maharaj and Ramana both, and may have been abusive of some of his students.  I don't know, I only hear rumors.


Edji,  Sorry for writting two mails today.I know much what we communicate should > be in silence and in our "beingness" but there are few questions in my > mind.One is to do with the "star" sir.... > While in dhyaan,witnessing the void ahead of me i sometimes see a dot of > light which on concentrating dissapears.Then some revolving cirlcle of light > which expands sometimes or few flashes of bright expanding light.None of > these are in any particular order.They appear and disappear. > Maybe it is the play of consciousness again but Kriya Yogis give a lot of > importance to penetrate the small dot of light.They wouldnt value what you > actually go thru during the day ,bliss and love of consciousness ,d > oneness,or witnessing process in fact most i knew dint even know what i was > going thru...Few would say increase pranayama and few would decrease it and > none knew exactly what was happenning to me..Only you explained and finally > i understood that the play of consciousness was happenning to me. > I did learn from kriya though ,i was practicing it for 2 to 3 hours daily > at a strech doing heavy kumbhaks sometimes which i feel resulted in few > health problems too...The "results" i am getting by following Advaite are > the same as Kriya ,infact much better without the dangers of too much breath > control..and many unanswered qustions were resolved too which they had no > idea about...My Guru Dubeyji who initiated me in my lineage 5 yrs ago had > but he left us very early,we could interact very little and then no one > really knew anything apart from the "star"... > But sir what is this "penetration" of 3rd eye ? Is it vital for > self-realisation sir? > many pranams, > Rajiv

Hi Rajiv,

I will explain this precisely because it is an important question and the answer is relevant to many people who ask me questions.

In Zen, masters talk about the need to balance Joriki with Koriki.

I forget which is which, but basically the concept is that concentration, or samadhi power must move in step with wisdom, otherwise the attainment is incomplete.

You have generated tremendous dhyan power after five years of meditation practice, so the wisdom of understanding the true nature of consciousness comes easily to you now. Now there is a better balance as your understanding has caught up to your huge bank account of spiritual energy.

Most people who run into Advaita teachings don’t practice meditation, and the true meaning of Advaita escapes them because their power of attention has not energized their awareness.

I don’t think most of the current teachers recommend intense practice, therefore those who follow them may have strong understanding, but no real attainment. They don’t have the transformative energy of samadhi power.

However, one can play around with meditation and concentration forever, trapped in various spectacular displays in their imaginal spaces. Many Buddhist traditions spend entirely too much time exploring various sorts of Voids.

The same is true of the Third Eye.  My “eye” was opened within months of starting practice because it seemed natural for me to do so. It seemed as if that particular task was set before me as a natural unfolding. The Third Eye just gradually opened during intense meditation and gradually expanded to reveal the Void nature of consciousness. But you already know that, so there is no need to penetrate anything. But you may want to do so simply to see for yourself to complete your schooling.

There are deeper mysteries you need to unfold yet, and I will help you through them when the time is come. But the Third Eye is a beginner’s discovery. You are way beyond that.

You need to slow don a little and consolidate your gains or you will lose them.

How beautifull You say such words of wisdom....

It is all an illusion. I got that and normally i dont even affirm myself but as you rightly said i kind off played around just to check out a bit.My consciousness took me there in dream state too. But yes it is just a play,nothing at all to be taken seriously...

I know thoughts are an illusion,nothing real...the dream state even though more beautifull and vibrant /colorfull than wakefull state ,i knew  in the dream it was unreal and i am slowly getting hints that consciousness itself too is unreal.

I can notice the change in the "love" of consciousness itself now....The stream of consciousness is there, it covers and prevades all but its changing its form....its not always "oneness" now...infact soemtimes its depressing too hehehe....It gets beautifull sometimes but sometimes its not so at all....I check whether its to do with a thought, NO it is not,mostly its just a passing emotion of sadness.grief (now there is no reason for it at all) ,it just is....

I simply observe it ,thats my "being" ,my I-AMNESS...so it is...nothing to do..just pure observation....so i learned that this joy and happiness,the oneness is temporary in the realm of consciousness which i had thought was the state to be always....the "ME" itself is temporary....And i am observing it too,i can feel the sadness,greif,depression in my heart arising even in the state of so called "consciousness" and i remembered your words "This is not Real",Not You...

Well it cant be me if i can observe it right :-)....During that period it is not that i am in an thoughtless zone but its not important ,the thoughts...they are there ,doing the job what they have too....my attention is more on the "beingness" even if it is sadness,depression or joy...whatever....This very moment is "beingness" or I-AMNESS...I touch that...but its not permanent bcoz its nature is duality so now i know....

You had warned me earlier on this and i thought Ah ,i am in bliss,i need nothing....i am This....i am bliss....I am oneness....But now look at me....hahhahaa.....And trying to create means identifying with it,i mean it will involve effort and ego,a struggle for more and more....

Why not just be in that "beingness" itself...Let the consciousness give whatever it wants to give me sir....I remind myself again and again....Be the witness....Isnt this right sir?

Sir you say out of love for me and those who really need you...You have a huge heart and are very kind....The only book i would like to read would be on me,which would have all empty pages...Nothing in them....I want to be capable to read that nothingness in me if possible...The thing to teach would be only to my own self....to serve in any capacity...and to remain worthy of taking the dust of your feet sir....
Many Pranoms,

You have come far Rajiv, and very rapidly, which means you have to spend some time consolidating all the states and understanding to make it permanent in yourself.

The bliss generally passes after a time as it is a function of Samadhi and various types of unitary consciousness. In fact, I found the bliss to be quite distracting and unnecessary.

Most make a big deal of Sahaja Samadhi, unity with the totality of consciousness, which really means the Void. But the source—YOU—are beyond the Void, and Sahaja does not apply to the source. It is a traditional precondition that isn’t really necessary.

In the end, after many of your remaining hindrances drop off, you will just rest, doing nothing special, in yourself, no longer making effort to  explore or grow spiritually. Your journey and struggle will be over.

At this point, you will either become like something dead with no response to the world which is the fate of some, or there will awaken in you the strongest conceivable sense that you are responsible for the world, for it does emminate from your mind.

You will make a decision to help all sentient beings in any way you can, from offering the shoes off your feet to some homeless person, to risking your life to save an animal. This to me is the real liberation—an immersion into a universal Mother Love.

I think I know which way you will go, and I hope you make that choice, though it will not seem to be up to you. It will happen to you.

I’d like to make one suggestion. This whole unfolding process requires close attention to detail. When you write, please take increased attention to detail as to how you express yourself. Use proper English sentence structure, spelling and punctuation and separate different thought sequences into paragraphs.

If you are going to be a teacher, you need to express yourself clearly for others to easily understand. It is also necessary to cultivate this attentiveness because it is easier in this way to become aware of hidden concepts remaining in your understanding.  You need to become precise in expression and deconstructing what others say to you.


16 November 2009

I've been wanting to email you for some time now, and after reading your post from a few days about teaching, was finally moved to do so.

About two years ago I stumbled upon J. Krishnamurti. I wasn't a seeker in the normal sense and had no clue about the "seeker culture" and the pursuit of enlightenment...still something in his words spoke to me deeply. Eight months or so later, I watched a dialog with K and David Bohm...at one point Krishnamurti exclaimed, as I had read many many times..."Sir, the thinker IS the thought!" Nothing in my life can compare to what happened at that moment...though I didn't understand all the implications...at that moment I knew I didn't exist as I had always thought. Strangely, about one month later I met my flute (shakuhachi) teacher...one of the first things she said to me was "you are not who you think you are"! I couldn't believe it. Seemingly out of nowhere (a whim to learn the flute) I met someone immersed in Zen for 30 years and with what only can be described as a devotional love of Nisargadatta and Ramana.

This last year has been spent reading "I am That". It is without a doubt the most profound thing I've ever read. Last Spring there were three nights where there was unbroken awareness through sleep...experiences which I've had in years past but never to this degree and never with the understanding of what was taking place...a confirmation that I am not even this consciousness. Recently a rephrasing of the "Who am I?" inquiry popped in my head...suddenly I asked myself "How do I know I am?" This seems to be a profound question, one that takes me straight to the feeling "I am",  and one that I can't yet really answer...is this a correct question to meditate on?

I've never had any spiritual practices and have never done any "formal" meditation...my flute teacher is adamant about catching thoughts...looking for a 'core' negative thought...which I have seen...I don't feel ruled at all by any thought. I'm just watching...from morning till night...I don't feel like "I" am doing anything, yet there still feels like something that should be done...any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. 

I feel very drawn to Robert, Ramana, and Nisargadatta, anoughts.d have no doubts about their teachings...just not sure how to proceed. 

Thank you so much for your time.


To N

Thoughts are not important. I think you have already seen all the way through thoughts. Better to concentrate on on your sense of being alive, of existing. Since you are attracted to Nisargadatta, I will send you a very practical guide to self-inquiry by Pradeep Apte called the Nisargadatta Gita. You can also find it on the Internet.

Download it, print it out and out it in a 3 ring binder. Read it every morning for a few weeks. Ponder its meaning, and watch your sense of beingness.  Then write to e about your experience.

By the way, the core thought is "I," and t is neither positive or negative. It is a conceptual pointer towards something that does not exist. When you see the I thought has no meaning, you will become ne with consciiousness. At least that is how it happened to me and many, any others who have written to me.
 Last night i had a unique expereince.I want to know if my understanding on this is correct or no sir?

Actually yesterdays meditation  (which i have send in another mail to you sir)gave me a glimpse that i was oscilating or moving from waking to dream states and vice versa.

So i thought i will try and meditate while in sleep during night time and try and be aware what of actually takes place.So i kept my deepest attention at the void and kept thoughts out and relaxed.I affirmed that i keep my attention as far as possible on the void till i fall asleep.The next moment i realized that i was dreaming bcoz i was with few people chatting. But i knew very well i was actually dreaming this bcoz i could literally will myself back to waking stage,I then would go back to dreaming state again,this time something about my son being in the room but yelling...i KNEW this was a dream too and i could actually choose what kind off dream i wanted. Now in the very dream i was excited of this and thought i will write to you this tommorow itself but then i thought why not visit you too by thought in the dream state as i could do whatever i wanted in the dream state. But then something held me back.I decided i not venture too far.Maybe some fear or something.

Well How i can be so sure that it was not a dream that i was dreaming that i was aware of the state is bcoz i could move from dream to wake on will.Also that very night i had to run around with my son who got me pretty exhausted physically ,he is just 8 and i am 38 but these kids are blessed with more energy so i had exert and had a slight muscle contraction.Now in dream state i was aware of that contraction too...strange but true....i was connected with my physical body in someway...i felt it in my dream state and then i consciously became aware of my waking state and saw yes it was slightly paining...

Then i was convinced i could move in these 2 states...i tried the third time again just to make sure,this time i saw a geometric image at my third eye,it was blazing with bright and greenish glow and i got scared and started reciting "OM" "OM" and then i tried hard to open my eyes and go to waking state but this time i
 just COULDNT....i was paralysed and then i remembered you saying all this is unreal....i am only a witness...i just looked at it...it dissapeared on its own and i was awake in some time...i reflected on all that what happened....i had all kinds of thoughts pouring and had difficulty to sleep back....but then i managed to remember that all this is an illusion,play of consciousness....its nothing to do with me....and magically the thoughts subsided and i slept to wake up like a normal routine.I remebered everything in the morning.

Sir do u think it is possible to move between these stages during sleep? Has this to do anything with advaite understanding?



My experience is that all states of consciousness are illusionary, and merely happen to me, like clouds passing overhead. They have no substance. These states and experiences don’t touch YOU.

Yet, it is important to play with consciousness for a time to understand it has no real substance or existence to you. Just don’t take it too seriously. It is play. AND, it is easy to make false discoveries that are refuted a few days later by another false discovery. The only true discovery is all states are transcient, unreal.

It MAY be important for you to do Samadhi on the Void to become one with it for a time.  This is the traditional way.  It is a continuation of your love of and for consciousness which has brought you as far as you have come.

Remember, you do not exist as an entity, process or thing, and the world-consciousness—is doing its own thing.  Don’t worry anymore at all about thoughts. Just be aware of the Void and the coming and going of waking, dream and sleep.

This is important:

Every teacher has a slightly different “message,” based on his or her education, background and body-mind.  Two students can study under the same teacher and have two different messages, such as the difference between Ramana Maharsh and Nisargadatta’s messages, or Nisargadatta and his Dharma brother Ranjit.

You are nearly at a point where you begin to write your own book.

Personally, now I find little that interests me in the world or consciousness anymore.

I am left only caring about people who seek liberation, people who are in dire need, and animals, who are helpless to help themselves. I still participate in this illusory reality because I care for all the apparent beings and act as if they were real. What comes out of my mind or my voidness is of no interest to me. It is all illusion—temporary, changeable, without substance.

But, a kitten, who is living in a ditch, cold, wet and hungry; to me, that kitten and her need is my only reality. In the end, the book you write may be very different. I hope though that your book will be filled with kindness and a sense of justice and caring.

You and I appear to be connected on a very deep level as our experiences and messages and experiences seem so similar. You appear to have all the equipment to be a great teacher some day.  Do not rush.  Go slowly, gently. Be gentle with yourself and others.

And yes, you can move between the various states, but who is moving? You do not move, the states do.  If you are consciously acting, it is still the ego playing, not YOU.


13 November 2009


Sir after the initial I-thought or rather witnessing of thought is over ,a stream of conciousness is maintained for sometime till a few thoughts disturb it too.This the dark void or emptyness we call conciousness which i had earlier termed "me"  ,i see i was identyfying with this earlier taking that to be the subject and thoughts to be the object.But clearly now i can see that the "conciousness" itself is the object.

This is a very important insight is it not? Consciousness is not you. The Void is not you. For years I made a mistake of identifying with the void as me, even though, in a way, I knew better, because I was not one with it. Oneness with the totality of consciousness came and went thousands of times, but was not a steady state.

In Zen, no one was pointing beyond the void. In a sense, the true you who is beyond the Void; what can it be called, or how can it be described? The Void beyond the Void?, or "That which has no qualities, including existence, non-existence or Voidness?" 

There are various Samadhis wherein you become one with objects in consciousness, or even the Void. When you become one with the Void, you become everything-oneness. But Samadhis are temporary.

You cannot do Samadhi on the source. The source is already complete, whole and self-contained and entirely beyond the world of objects and consciousness including the Void.

During the course as i was witnessing the "conciousness" itself many times few floating totally irrelevant thoughts would appear and try disturb the state.Especially when i see only the "conciousness" it goes "Ah i see it" ,a thought .So now i witness the "consciousness" and also the apparent "thought" ,this is not an identification of thought,it just meaningless thought which appear and disaapear.So the "one" witnesses both the consciousness and the thought.My question sir is :

1) What do i do with the thoughts which sprang on their own? I can witness the start of them and then they do dissapear but they appear again disturbing the witnessing of the object "consciousness".Many times i can maintain witnessing both the "consciousness" and thought at the same time.Will these meaningless thoughts completely disappear or no?

Don’t worry about the thoughts. They no longer have any power over you. Just focus on the sense of “I AM,” if you can locate that; otherwise focus on the container of consciousness, the Void-nature interpenetrating all phenomena as the container and background, and then occasionally, try to turn around and catch the subject or witness of the void. This will remind you that you are not an object, a thing within this world.

By being extremely attentive to the field of conciousness ,the thoughts do fade away but they appear again after soemtimes especially when i "have it"
Will these meaningless thoughts completely disappear ever?

The thoughts no longer have power over you. Ignore them. They will always be there randomly as long as you have a brain and body. The brain is sort of like a radio receiver, picking specific thoughts out of the void depending on your past experience and genetics. You consciously have gone beyond thoughts and the power of thought.

The thing about witnessing is that it prevades normal waking stage too, meaning during office work and my walks especialy when i am not engrossed with work, i see the witness of the stream of conciousness and the thoughts which appear and disapear.The witnesser or subject can witness both at the same time,though the thought is powerless, is no more loud ,it is mild ,barely recognisable most of the time,but it still exists nonetheless.

2)I try locating where this subject is ,who is witnessing both but i cant find it anywhere,meaning the witnesser (at the background)cant be traced. The moment i can locate the witnesser ,it will cease to be the subject,it will become another object...sometimes i feel he is at the 3rd eye witnessing the awareness or consciousness and sometimes i feel he is at the heart..You said "watch the watcher" but i cant find him anywhere?

You can’t watch the watcher, so what conclusion can you draw? 

The observer does not exist in this world or any other!  You are beyond existence entirely.  You are not part of the manifest world You are not found within consciousness.  You are the subject, with no existence in this world. You are utterly beyond all properties. This world has nothing to do with you.

This was Robert's message: Don't participate in the world, it has nothing to do with you.

I read a few stanza 7 to 8 of the Gita ,i get it but i will move very very slowly with it...perhaps 1 to 2 stanzas a day....

This is perfect. You are now answering the greatest questions posed by all beings through time. Consciousness---God---is revealing everything to you. There is no need to rush.  When I first read Nisargadatta’s “Prior to Consciousness,” I could read at most a page a day, sometimes only a paragraph.  Each sentence was like a hammer blow to my mind.  Even the second and third time.

Where you are, not 1/1,000 has touched. Don’t worry about speed. You are doing well.

Hows Momji doing? Has the condition improved?

She is fine, almost 100% recovered now.

Many Pranams,

11 November 2009


Dear Ed, I have corresponded with you throughout this apparent journey. Which ultimately was not a journey anyplace just a tossing aside of my whole imaginary existence. One question, I have always taken pointers about the eternal now to mean there is nothing that seperates this moment from any other moment, only mental limitations (ie clock time). Lately, however there has been a very strong feeling that more than that, the states of waking, dream, and sleep are not linear, but are actually all happening at once, then the mind comes in and seperates them.  My experience is that ultimately none of the states are real and the mind kinda lines them up in rotation to keep some semblance of life. Is this more mind stuff? 

Yes, your understanding is fairly accurate, although I never got the
feeling that my mind was doing the arranging.  I think what is doing
the arranging lies beyond the mind. None of it is real, but the
imaginary body has its imaginary processes which cause fluctuations in
Consciousness. Yes, all the states appear to be similtaneously present. You might be right that it is the mind that is arranging them, but it would not be your personal mind, but a universal mind which you appear to participate in.

The thoughts that come to you are not really your thoughts either, but
universal thoughts floating in the void that your specific
beingness--body-mind apparatus--seems to pick out and accept as its

It is all quite fascinating, isn’t it?  Nothing is as it seems before penetrating to the deepest level of consciousness and beyond. "Ordinary" people have no idea about all this. If they read this site we'd all be condemned to an asylum. 

"To go all the way, you have to become nothing, useless. You have to let God or your teacher take everything away from you, including your knowledge and understanding, and become nothing."

This is so true.  Surrender means your life is over -- period.  The body may continue to be extremely active in the world, but it's a body of ashes, running around in a phantasmal dream world that never was.  The Jnani may laugh with the laughing and sympathize with the sorrowful, feast in golden hued palaces or live on the street and search through garbage for his meals, raise a family in the suburbs or dwell in a cave as a hermit.  It's all the same.  It's an irrelevant non-experience completely devoid of any meaning or consequence.  It's not the waking state, it's not a dream, it's not Turiya, it's not real, unreal or any state or non-state that language or thought can describe or point to.  It just is ... and it's good.

This sounds absolutely horrible to most people.  They can only conceive of the relative happiness or unhappiness that's tied to identification with the human experience.  They cling to objects which bring them joy, even though they know those same objects will eventually change or go away entirely, causing them great sadness.  They do this because they haven't ever had a glimpse of real, limitless joy, and they don't want to give up the limited happiness they sometimes experience because they don't believe there's anything better.

So, like heroin addicts, people are always looking for their next fix to get them through another day.  Eventually, they get sick of it all.  They decide that happiness laced with poison sucks -- that it's just not worth it.  They don't want to participate in the madness anymore, even if it means giving up the so-called good things.  Then they wake up, and experience the real joy of who they are (i.e., aren't).  This process takes a long time, yet happens in an instant.

Be well Ed.


09 November 2009

Yesterday's post was about becoming nothing. It is full of concepts such as phenomena, noumena, consciousness, existence and to the void. As such, it is a complete lie. Concepts can never grasp the real.

The point of posting was only a warning not to stop practicing too soon.

To go all the way, you have to become nothing, useless. You have to let God or your teacher take everything away from you, including your knowledge and understanding, and become nothing.

Most seekers will not do this. They want to be something, and unitary consciousness feels like a good place to stop.

Robert was the Good For Nothing Man. That is why he never had more than 50 people come to Satsang while other teachers had thousands. Only those who were willing to give up everything would accept becoming nothing as a goal.

08 November 2009

I arrived last night in Phoenix and saw my mom for the first time in two years. She was released from the hospital after an 8-day stay two days ago. She says she feels great. She has a condition that could recur at any time at which could kill her, namely diverticulitis with severe infection and bleeding. At age 92 the doctors refuse to provide survival odds if she had to undergo surgery if the bleeding became too severe.

I brought two books with me in case I had time to begin preparing lessons on Robert's teachings, Prior To Consciousness by Jean Dunn, and Consciousness in the Absolute, also by Jean.

Jean and I had grown to become friends over the years prior to her death. She had a friend in Los Angeles who she visited quite frequently, and whenever she was here, I would see her, usually at a hotel near the Los Angeles airport. We would talk for hours. Our last visit was about two years before she died. She had severe emphysema and the depressurization in the airplane’s cabin nearly killed her. The doctors told her that she could never fly again.

During this visit she gave me a photograph she had taken of Nisargadatta along with little book called "Self Knowledge and Self-Realization" by Maharaj. Both are posted on the http//itisnotreal.com website.

Last night I was glancing through her Consciousness and the Absolute book for the first time in several years. She very carefully explains the essence of Maharaj’s teachings, which is even more carefully elucidated by Nisargadatta himself in the following 4 pages of chapter One.

As a backdrop I wanted to explain that Robert once or twice a private told me that there was no Consciousness, that Consciousness itself was only apparent, it was illusion. This is precisely Maharaj’s teaching. Robert told me that he really couldn't say this public because people would not accept that message. He even joked that people would kill him for that message.

Isn’t this precisely true? Are not most of the spiritual teachers today saying only that your essence is Consciousness, Consciousness is all that there is, and calling that beingness? Their message is that the ego is not real, but Consciousness, beingness, is all that there is and is eternal.

In fact, both Robert and Nisargadatta equivocate in these precise teachings. In fact, in both Robert and in Nisargadatta, you can find a little bit of everything, including talks where Robert will say you are Consciousness itself, beyond the mind and ego. At other times, he would publicly say that you are beyond the Consciousness, you are beyond everything.

On introductory page vii, Jean Dunn states concerning Nisargadatta’s teachings, "Abiding in the "I-Amness" (or Consciousness, which is pure love), that Consciousness itself will give us all the answers. At the present time, Consciousness is what we are, not personal Consciousness, but impersonal universal Consciousness. In the course of time, the Consciousness will show us that we are not even this, but we are that Eternal, Absolute, unborn, undying."

This is very clear. He is saying your essential true nature is beyond Consciousness. You are beyond Consciousness, beyond the I am, beyond the ego, beyond the body. This is precisely Robert's teachings.

On page 4 of the book itself, Maharaj himself states:

"In deep sleep, Consciousness was in a dormant condition; there were no bodies, no concepts. Upon the arrival of this apparently wakeful state, with the arrival of the concept "I am", the love of "I am" woke up. That itself is Maya, illusion."

"Everything is beingness, but I, the Absolute, am not that."

"Consciousness depends on the body; the body depends on the essence of food. It is the Consciousness which is speaking now. If the food essence is not present, the body could not exist. Without the body, would I be able to talk?"

I will elucidate this understanding later as pointed out repeatedly by both Robert and Nisargadatta, but which is only implicit in Ramana's teachings as expressed by his students. Indeed, you can find confirmation of the same truth in Ramana's teachings if you look at the right books. Otherwise, most of his students identifying the absolute with Consciousness, and even more so, the waking Consciousness.

You might say there are three levels of I. There is the level of the I-word and I-concept, with the assumption and belief that there is an and entity that the concept describes, and that the I-word points to.

The second level of I identification, is at the level of identification with mind and Consciousness, which Nisargadatta calls "beingness," or "I-Amness."

Finally, there is the I as the absolute, completely beyond phenomonality, completely unknowable by the mind, without attribute and even without existence. This is what Western idealist philosophers--and Balsekar--calls the Noumenal, and which I might call the other-dimensional. This is the non-manifest, the unmanefest, unborn subject. Even saying that is to ruin it because you are giving names to that about which nothing can be said, because there are no attributes, entirely beyond existence.

On page 4 of Consciousness of the Absolute, Maharaj states regarding the absolute:

"In truth, your state is one of absolute bliss, not this phenomenal state. In that non-phenomenal state you are full of bliss but there is no experience of its presence. In that state there is no trace of misery or and happiness, only unalloyed bliss."

"Everything is beingness, but I, the absolute, am not that."

If you understand this, you will see this is completely beyond the current spiritual teachings that you are Consciousness and everything is Consciousness. Over the next few months and years I want to explain this ever more deeply and completely, as well as clearly outline what it takes to get there.

06 November 2009

Once again, it appears Infinity is denying that I ever knew Robert outside of attending to his talks, one hour per week for a short while. These is a long email to this effect sent to Mark Mandell yesterday, which I may post.

To head off trouble, I constructed this page of evidence. The link below is to the first book ever published by or about Robert Adams. It is a photocopy made today of the actual physical book in my possession, so that anyone can see it is an actual book, can see the pages and the publication date.

The Introduction and Robert's biography were written by "Ed Muzika," and the talk itself is copyrighted 1991.  This is one of the first transcripts Kerima and I transcribed.

This should prove that the "body-mind" known as Ed Muzika was associated with Robert in 1991. If you look at the last page, it shows a poem written by Robert during November, 1994. Therefore, I was around at least in November of 1994. The booklet probably came out sometime during early 1995.

A scan of the first edition of Silence of the Heart, vol 2 dated copyrighted in 1992 with transcripts from 1991 is posted at the link below. The Introduction was written by Ed Muzika. There are also acknowledgements of people who either transcribed Robert's talks or helped put the book together. Ed Muzika is mentioned there. Therefore there is documented proof of Ed Muzika's existence at Satsang and putting together the original Silence of the Heart in 1992.

In addition, the book acknowledges people who were attending Satsang at that time. Notice that NICOLE ADAMS is not mentioned in any way as contributing to Satsang or the book. None of Robert's alleged "Thirty year students," such as Mr. Blake Warner, or Robert's daughter are mentioned either. Why do you suppose that is? It because they were never present at Satsang or putting the original Silence of the Heart together, at least from 1989 to 1995. Nicole started coming to Satsang in LA, only during the last few months before they moved to Sedona in 1995.

The link below is to a phone message left on my answering machine from Nicole, telling me how I had captured Robert perfectly, and I ought to write about him. I don't remember what year this was, but perhaps 1993-94. Nicole and I talked frequently by phone, although she may deny it now. This clip proves she called me at least once.

An article written by Edward Muzika about Robert appearing in the January/February Yoga Journal in 1998. Nicole called the editor and tried to get him to not publish it after the contract was signed. He decided to publish it after radically editing it, and leaving out the photo of Robert I sent him. He told me she threatened to sue Yoga Journal.

Photos of Robert with my wife in 1993, and of me with him in Satsang, maybe 1993-94.

Ed Muzika reading the Ashtavakra Gita to Satsang attendees, year unknown:

Robert asking Satsang to sing me Happy Birthday, March 10, 1991 or 1992.

I do not understand why Nicole and Infinity decides to do this every few years. Apparently Matthew Brown's movie script wasn't to her liking, and when Marc Mandell wrote to Nicole, he received a long email back saying I didn't exist basically, along with most everyone who ever attended Satsang with Robert.

I am writing this evidence together all in one place so that when the inevitable threats come, I can refer people to this post and its documentation. More evidence will be added to this post as I find it.